To Be or Not to Be?
by IAmNumberThirteen
Summary: What if Tara Lo had, by some miraculous fate, survived her brain operation? How will it affect her day-to-day life? Will she get on better with Ollie? And what do her parents have to say about it all?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey :) So I don't know whether you knew this or not, but I used to have a story on here that was originally called **_**It Takes Two To Love**_** but I didn't like that name so I then changed it to **_**Future**_**. I deleted the story in the end because I wanted a fresh start and I had no other options for that story and I mentally apologize to anyone who was crazy enough to like my story ;)**

**Anyway, I just hope you like this one equally as well :)**

…

"Tara…Tara…Tara…" was all Doctor Tara Lo could hear in the first few moments before her brain started to kick in and her sense finally opened up a little, just enough to see slightly, through the little crack in her eyes that she only had enough energy to make, just who was trying to rouse her.

"Ollie," she tried to say strongly, tried to show him that she was strong enough to handle this, but it only came out as a beg, a whisper, a silent prayer.

Ollie, who was just sitting down on the nearby chair right by her hospital bedside, suddenly raised his head at the sound of her voice whispering his name. He looked like he had almost given up, like all the fight had gone out of him. All the worry and the fear were etched onto his face like an open book.

"Tara," Ollie said, still slightly in shock, and he stood up and moved – slowly, attentively, as if at any moment he might wake up and all of this would have just been a dream – over to her bedside and he held her face in his hands as silent tears came streaming down his face.

"Ollie," Tara repeated again, though this time with more strength. It would have seemed somewhat ironic, what with them just seeming to repeat each other's names over and over, if it weren't so painfully true.

"You're alive," he whispered, the tears gradually stopping as he forced himself to stop crying. "I'm sorry," he said then started to laugh, but it came out all wrong, all too raw and painful and sad, "I don't know why I'm crying,"

"I don't know why I'm not," Tara admitted.

"Ah, now that's because you've only just awoken from your extensive brain surgery that was no less than 10 hours ago," Ollie pointed out matter-of-factly and Tara almost laughed. Even if in this situation Ollie couldn't give up on being a doctor.

Not that she was any different.

"You kept track of the time?" She asked, shocked. _He stayed awake hoping, praying…for me?_

"Of course I did," he said plainly before sighing softly and bend over to whisper in her ear, "You don't know how much worry you've put me through,"

Tara smirked. "Oh, so now it's all my fault?"

Ollie tried to smile but it still came out all wrong – the fact that the tears, though subsiding, where still cascading in waterfalls leaving little tracks all down his face doesn't exactly help things.

Tara opened her mouth to comment on it, but just in that moment her door room burst open and in came Mo, Jonny, Professor Hope and – what is this – _Jac Naylor_?

"Tara!" Mo and Jonny shouted at the same time and promptly shoved Ollie off the end of her bed – which, she suspected, he wasn't too happy about – and started shouting rather nonsensical questions at her. The main ones were the easiest to decipher: _How are you? Does it hurt? Do you need anything?_ But the rest Tara didn't have a clue.

Still, she put a smile on her face and rather nodded and shook her head when she deemed it right to do such things.

Professor Hope, in the distance, just shook his head and Mo and Jonny's rather childish behaviour, but still kept a small smile atop his face.

Ollie, Tara noticed, instead went over to talk to Jac, who was currently staring at the duo with an unmistakable sense of disgust. The two then started talking in hushed tones and whispered voices – which Tara blamed on her lack of proper rest, as to why she couldn't hear them – but she knew that it was more than that.

And it was obvious who they were talking about, as Ollie and Jac kept alternating between who spared a glance at Tara.

However Tara wasn't going to let it ruin her day – as of now, she was tumour free!

Her eyes widened at this fact, it was something she hadn't thought about at all until this point and she looked up at Professor Hope with wide and fearful eyes, wanting to know whether it was a success or if they were getting her ready for the inevitable.

"Professor Hope," Tara started, her voice meek and mild, stopping Jonny and Mo in their latest question as they listened intently about what she was going to ask – _Jac's probably pleased about that_, she allowed to let herself think before she delved back into the question.

"The surgery," she swallowed a rather big lump in her throat, it would appear that this suspicious 'lump' is what is hindering Tara's capacity to speak. However, she pressed on.

"Was it…a success?" She finally managed to spit out, her face and tone of voice betraying her real emotions, the ones she normally could keep under wraps and make them out to be not there.

The one's that Ollie was so good at making her admit.

Ollie was the first to do anything. He sat down on the corner of her bed – Jonny and Mo had already vacated her bed, as if they could read the future and mystically know that Ollie was destined to sit on her bed – and took her hands in his.

"Tara," he started his face solemn and Tara almost cried out saying how unfair it was that _she_ had a brain tumour, she has done nothing wrong! And now, now it's going to be her downfall.

Ollie, reading the expression on Tara's face, hid a smirk and Tara was so confused. _Did he not care about me?_ She asked herself, feeling hurt. _Does he not care about my brain tumour? See, __this__ is why you should never have told him anything, Tara Lo, because no matter how much they claim to love you, they will never get what it's like living with an inoperable tumour and—_

"I believe what Doctor Valentine is trying to say, with all his stupid rehearsals and pathetic speeches and cringe-worthy moments – is that we managed to get rid of your brain tumour," Jac spoke up and the rest of the group all looked at her in shock. Ollie looked at her with a murderous rage, no doubt because she had managed to successfully steal his 'cringe-worthy' moment, Jonny and Mo looked at her with duplicate expressions that so obviously read: _Could you have been a bit nicer?_ And Professor Hope looked at her with a grateful look in his eyes. Jac shrugged defensively.

However it impacted Tara hard and she stopped her scolding immediately and sat up in the bed, her eyes wide and thoughts racing. She was too preoccupied to care about what the others thought of the cold Jac Naylor telling her F1 the good news, stealing it out from under her husband and work colleagues.

_I don't have a brain tumour_.

It was all too overwhelming, all too sudden and it was _shocking_. So shocking, in fact, that Tara Lo did what she hardly ever did in the presence of others.

She started to laugh.

Of course, it came out all manic and hysterical, so much so that the others stopped trying to contradict Jac Naylor – _goodness knows it was all in vain_ – and started staring at Tara, wearing equal amounts of worried faces. It was only Jac that stood still with her mouth agape and jaw hanging, looking as if she had never seen Tara before.

And it wasn't soon before everyone joined in. Jonny in the lead, of course, with Mo right behind him, and Ollie and Professor Hope chuckling nervously in the background. Poor Jac had to leave the room because it was too much for her icy heart to bear, maybe it might start melting! But Tara didn't care because she never had to worry about whether she might ever have children, ever get to grow old, ever have to worry about whether she was going to live or die.

Never have to worry about a brain tumour.

And that was the best thing in the whole damn world.

…

Tara was bored.

It had been two days. Two incredibly boring and mind-numbingly painful days in which she had to sit in a hospital bed and be a good little girl.

She hated every minute of it.

Ollie was off fetching her some lunch for the day – what with her narrowly escaping death; Mr Hanssen had agreed to allow him some time off to look after her.

_Come to think of it_, Tara reminisced from the other day when Hanssen had come to her personally to make sure she was feeling okay, _he has been feeling rather sentimental lately._

It was true. Hanssen had come to think of her as like a daughter, he cared for her. It wasn't romantic – not that Tara would particularly care even if it was, she had Ollie – it was just like a family would care for its offspring.

Speaking of which, Tara's mother and father would be dropping by for a dear old friendly chat later this morning.

Tara almost groaned out loud. It wasn't that she didn't love her family, far from it; she could just predict what the conversation would include.

First, it would be about how her childhood asthma and her common cold could have killed her and how dangerous and absurd it had been to do it that day.

Secondly, it would be about Ollie and how much they resent them getting married. _'Especially know,'_ her mother's voice echoed in her head, _'especially when you're having brain surgery soon.'_

And lastly, it would be a mixture of them both.

_All in all,_ Tara mentally groaned inwardly, _it's going to be Hell_.

And she was absolutely dreading it.

As if right on cue, her mother bounded into the room, followed closely by Jonny mouthing behind her mother's head "_I'm sorry, she just came in_". Tara only gave what she hoped was a reassuring grin and nodded her head slightly to show that it was alright. Jonny visibly wiped his brow – though Tara guessed that he only did that to be a comedic genius – and he quietly crept out the door.

"How are you feeling?" her father tried to ask but he was cut quite shortly as Jac's condescending voice boomed loud and clear all throughout the whole hospital: "No, Jonny Mac! You could tell she didn't want to see them and you had to do the whole gentleman act and _let them in_ any way!" Tara tensed quite hard at those words and her father looked almost ashamed but her mother, on the other hand, looked as if she could quite happily go outside and strangles the ice cold throat that unfortunately belonged to Tara's boss.

"Goodness gracious me!" her mother almost shouted – though nothing could rival Jac's strident voice – and Tara's father tried his best to calm her down but she would not be tamed. "No, I'm sorry but that woman—" she pointed to Jac's retreating form through Tara's private window. "—has no sense of self decency. Imagine saying that about my own daughter!"

"Mum, it is okay. I'm happy you're here; just please calm down, okay?" Tara, rather tiredly, attempted to calm the older woman down before she did something reckless. "Let's just talk about…stuff," for lack of a better word, Tara's drugged mind wasn't the best at vocabulary.

However, Tara might soon regret the word that had come, unbidden, straight out of her mouth as her mother's gaze suddenly intensified and magically seemed to become one hundred times sharper…or at least that's what happened in Tara's mind. But then again, Doctor Lo didn't seem to be too willing to believe anything which she says or hears or does.

"Oh yes," her mother started, purposefully stopping for a sharp glare in Tara's direction that seemed to freeze her in place, "let's please do talk about _stuff_."

_Help me!_

…

**Yay! So my first chapter of my new story is up ;) I really hope you guys have enjoyed it and if you have any ideas for what happens next or if you want to say something then please do!**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so, **_**so**_** much for all the kind, positive reviews you guys have all posted! :) I really appreciate it. And also, thank you so much to my guest reviewer who has given me loads and loads of brilliant ideas that I have never thought of! I really appreciate!**

**I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT! :)**

…

"I can't _believe_ you left me!" Tara all but hissed at her beloved husband who was looking rather sheepish and knowing full well that he was ultimately in the wrong. "With my _parents_!" she added, empathise on the word 'parents' to get the message across.

Ollie threw his hands up in the air in a hopeless gesture and admitted full defeat and surrender. "Okay, okay," he said in mock surrender. "Don't leave Tara alone with parents, noted," he included with a small smirk that did nothing to conceal the ever growing amount of butterflies in the pit of her stomach as he slowly made his way over to her bed to give her a short, fleeting kiss that Tara dearly hoped was not finished and that more would come.

"Good," she said simply with a small smirk on her own face, matching the one Ollie wore. His smirk grew slowly in size as he leaned down to give her a, hopefully, longer and passionate kiss but before he could do that the ICU door burst open, ruining Tara's beautiful moment. Ollie hastened to stand upright and made an attempt to act casual but it was in vain.

"Oh, for pity's sake, get a room!" The ice cold demeanour that Jac Naylor wore shouted in disgust, lip curling and everything. _Of course,_ Tara mused miserably, _it had to be Ms Naylor…_

Tara blushed lightly and seemed to shrink down under her gaze, but Ollie held his own and started to chuckle at the awkwardness of the situation. "Good to see you too, Jac," he said, as if nothing had happened. Tara stared up at him in awe.

Jac only looked at him for a long second that seemed to stretch on forever, "Don't talk to me," she said offhandedly as she turned her attention to Tara's medical records on the side of her bed. "I dread to think where those lips you are currently using to speak have been."

Now this stung Tara deeply and she struggled to keep her facial expressions calm and collected, much the way the infamous Jac Naylor could do in a heartbeat, although Tara had the funny feeling she had failed.

However it didn't seem to make much of a difference as nobody was really paying attention to her. Jac was reading her records and Ollie – _my husband_, all this week they had been married and the term still felt new and alien to her – was busy attempting to peer through Jac's shoulder to her records, though he obviously failed. Wait, you didn't know? Jac Naylor had eyes on the back of her head!

"Go away, Valentine," Jac stated coldly without even a turn of her head and Tara almost laughed out loud at the bewildered expression he wore on his face behind her back, yet she wasn't _quite_ so successful at masking the little giggle she left free, unwilling to keep adding any more discomfort onto her already sore and cancer-free body.

"Something funny, Doctor Lo?" Jac turned her full attention onto the aforementioned doctor who was now visibly retreating from Jac's frosty glare. _I wonder,_ she mused silently to herself in the hopes that if she thought of something else she could stop being so affected by the chilly look in Jac's eyes, _if Ms Naylor does just have naturally cold eyes or if she has worked on them?_

"N-no…nothing," Tara stuttered timidly, not daring to look anyone in the eyes so instead choosing to stare at the ugly hospital gown Jonny made her wear before going into surgery. _Ugh,_ _how do these patients stand it? It's hideous!_

Jac let her gaze stare on Tara's petite form for a minute or two (_or perhaps a __lifetime__ or two?!)_ before drawing her attention back once more onto the medical records held out in front of her.

After realising that there was nothing else left to read, Jac pulled out a mini torch and commanded Tara to keep her head back and eyes open as she checked the readiness and responsiveness of her pupils and their dilation. After a couple of seconds of staring into nothing but blinding white light, Jac pulled back and noted her observations in her medical records before turning her attention towards her patient.

"So, Tara," Jac started, actually using Tara's first name for the first time in the history of forever. Tara couldn't stop the surprised look on her face from surfacing for all to marvel at. "Have you been experiencing any pain? Any discomfort that we need to know about?"

Tara thought for a moment. "I've been having these headaches for the past couple of days," she said after thinking long and hard and her heart nearly stopped at the amount of concern on Ollie's face. "But it's nothing major!" she hastened to correct, wanting to erase the apprehension on his face.

Jac nodded and looked off-put that that was all, but when Tara blinked that expression was gone and Jac was back to being hard again. "We'll give you some painkillers to ease the pain," she stated as she brought in the instrument tray and a chair to sit down when she placed the IV drip into Tara's veins.

"Keep still for me," Jac ordered and Tara complied, just wanting it to be over and done with – like she said before the surgery: Quicker is better.

She felt Ollie's hand intertwine with hers and she offered him a small smile of reassurance whilst noting how ironic the situation was as _he _was supposed to be reassuring her, not the other way round. But Tara didn't mind, in fact she welcomed it. If anyone was to attempt to calm her then they'd do more damage than not saying anything at all. Ollie knew this as the amount of times he had tried to calm her down in the past failed quite spectacularly.

"This will hurt" was the only source of reassurance she had got from the surgeon currently testing the IV needle. Tara went to go and nod but her actions were taken over by the large discomfort of the sharp needle poking its way into her vein, and though she couldn't help it, she winced slightly…_in shock_, of course!

But as quickly as it came it went again and Tara slowly released the strong grasp she had on Ollie's hand that she hadn't even realised she had been holding so tightly.

Jac took out the needle and placed the IV drip into Tara's arm before disinfected the needle in…well, disinfectant. "That will be all. A nurse will come in regularly to check on your obs and make sure you're not dying," Jac informed, ever so politely and as kind as possible, as she stood up and moved the chair back to its original position.

"Page me if her temp starts rising," Jac ordered Ollie, leaving Tara wondering why Jac didn't ask _her_ to do it, after all, wouldn't _she_ be the one to notice if anything wrong with _her_ own body? But then again, Tara weighed up; she probably wouldn't tell anyone anyway.

Letting out a breath she didn't realise she had been holding, Tara released the grip altogether on dear husbands hand for fear that if she didn't then she might cut off his circulation altogether!

"Well, that was fun," Ollie said after a couple seconds awkward silence and Tara nodded in agreement before realising the tell-tale signs of an unwanted sneeze to warrant a surprise visit.

"ACHOO!" Tara sneezed, holding her hands between her nose and clenching her eyes shut as her body jerked forward of its own accord. "Oh," Tara breathed afterward as she rubbed her increasingly pink nose and noticed for the first time the trademark smirk Ollie was currently wearing.

"What?" she said, her voice muffled as her hand was currently blocking her mouth slightly. Ollie said nothing, just shook his head a little all the while that smirk was still plastered on his face.

"What's so funny?" she persisted, this time her voice sounding a bit clearer and sounding more of her own than some snivelling little old granny's.

"Nothing," Ollie said, leaning down to kiss her as they had been previously about to do before the insufferable Jac Naylor had bounded into the room, in all her glory.

However, fate determined that they were never about to receive their most wanted passionate kiss as Tara's doctoral side kicked in and she blurted out "Whatdoesmyfacelooklike?" as fast as she possibly could and Ollie looked at her in confusion, seeming to fear for her sanity – or maybe her brain…

"I said: _What does my face look like_?" Tara repeated, punctuating each syllable as slowly as she could, not seeming to notice that she had spoken too fast.

Ollie frowned in confusion before understanding her concern and impatience and he looked at her in mock-disgust which betrayed what he was going to say. "Beautiful,"

Yet Tara was yet to be convinced. "Ollie," she said impatiently, not interested in his idea as, in her mind that was the natural thing to say to a wife or girlfriend if they ask you that. You never _ever_ tell the truth – not even if they ask – something that aggravated Tara to no end.

"Please," she preserved, wanting to know the truth, not matter how ugly and horrible the truth can get sometimes and believe me, Tara Lo had first-hand experience in that department. "Just tell me the truth," she asked again, though with little strength. It seemed that the IV drip which placed her on saline to keep her from dehydrating.

"Fine," Ollie gave up on hearing how tired and fatigued Tara sounded and was convinced that she was not faking it.

"No, no," Tara shook her head as Ollie was about to inform her of a description that she was sure was going to end up, and she quotes, '_you are the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen_'. "Just get me a mirror," she ordered, and hey, if you want something done, you're going to have to do it yourself, as the villains always say in _Disney_ movies.

Ollie complied silently and wordlessly retrieved a mirror that somehow, magically, was resting atop her bedside table and handed it to her. She thanked him before checking her reflection in the mirror…

…and was absolutely and utterly _horrified_ at what she saw.

There, under her eyes, were massive – and I mean _humongous_ – blue and purple bruises that somehow managed to swell up and close off her right eye (_but I can see just fine_, Tara muttered to herself, evidently confused), her whole face seemed to have swelled up a little and her head was bandaged around her right side, _obviously where they had commenced the operation_, Tara concluded. Tara was surprised that the mirror didn't crack when she took in her replication.

She almost dropped the dratted thing in surprise but it only landed on the side of her bed with a loud _plop_ sound as it moulded itself to her warm blankets. "I'm hideous!" Tara moaned in disgust and made a desperate attempt to cover her face up with her arms wrapped around it like a shield, protecting all the innocent bystanders from a huge, monster face.

"Tara, Tara," Ollie's voice consoled her as his hands endeavoured to remove her limbs from her face. "You're beautiful,"

Tara sighed in exasperation at his annoying and unwanted attempts to rise her hopes and make her feel 'beautiful' when she has seen clear evidence that her face is about 1% better than the Elephant Man himself.

"Ollie! Please, stop lying," Tara told him as he started to repeat his phrase again, resulting in her flopping her head back onto her warm, yet cold, hospital bed in her own "bridal suite" as Jonny dubbed it.

"Tara…I'm not lying," Ollie said, something in his tone caused Tara to trust him and she found herself gravitating towards his voice, loving the way his mouth seemed to form words—

_Wait, what?! You love the way his mouth seems to form words?_

_Yes, so? It's so dreamy…_

_Oh, shut up! You're such a big baby!_

_Am not!_

_Are too!_

_Am not!_

_Are too!_

_Am not!_

_Are—_

"Tara? Tara, did you hear me?" Ollie's voice filled with concern seemed to wash away the internal battle she was having with her pathetic and love-ridden subconscious and she stared at Ollie in confusion.

"What—sorry, what?" Tara sat up straighter and turned to Ollie as she felt the dull throbbing in her head intensifying and she wondered just when Ms Naylor had meant when she said that Tara would be receiving some painkillers because so far: Nada!

"I said: Are you alright, as you seemed to drift out into some sort of 'Tara world' with unicorns and flying ponies," Ollie joked lightly, his smirk back in place and Tara whacked him lightly around his abdomen and he mock grunted in pain.

And before anyone else could come and steal their one, perfect moment, Tara interlocked her hands around his neck and smashed her lips against his.

…

**Thank you for reading this chapter and I really hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it! :)**

**Now, I will just reply to some guest reviewers so…yeah, just to warn you in case you wonder what I'm doing! :D**

_**Guest**_** – I will try and add Jac being pregnant but it will have to be in the early stages of her pregnancy as I can't really add her being, like, five months pregnant or whatever she is now as I'm pretty sure she didn't even have sex with Jonny around the time Tara died.**

_**Guest**_** – Haha, I love you too! ;) And she's my favourite character too, I was so sad when she died :( I didn't cry, because, for some reason I don't cry at films and TV shows (I know! I'm heartless D:) but I was deeply saddened. HOLBY CITY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU JING LUSI!**

_**meow**_** – Lol! Don't wet yourself too hard! ;) And yes, we Tara-lovers must band together and stick to our group! :D**

_**Guest**_** – Thank you soooooooo much for all your help in the medical department, I really couldn't have done it without you! You have been a major help and I really appreciate it! **

_**Bri**_** – And I hope you love this chapter just as much! :)**

**Once again, thank you so much to all you kind reviewers, favouriters, and followers (ooh, I've made up a new word! :0) and your support. I COULD KISS YOU ALL TO DEATH!**

… ***Awkward silence* …**


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